UCSD Class of '14
WHS Class of '10
19 & LEGAL.
Always Cravin' FroYo. <3
ASK ME YO QUESTIONS:
To put it bluntly, I think this was one of my favorite years during my undergraduate career at UCSD. Friendships prospered and deteriorated. Growth was formed. Some flaws were elucidated and destroyed.
From establishing a close friendship with a guy which I’ve always wanted (due to my need for variety within connections I form) to realizing leadership flaws that were never made clear until now, I believe I have grown so much as a person and a leader. Third year was amazing and I’m still open to new changes even the year preceding my graduation.
Been way too angry lately. By “hurts,” I’m sure it’s a direct reference to how hate ends up consuming you: your thoughts, your actions, and beliefs. Gotta stop.
I think one of the most beautiful things we possess in life, as humans are memories. And I don’t mean specifically each detail of each memory, simply because some aspects can be reconstructed time after time; But the general scope of the memory: the present people, the ubiquitous smell, the visible colors, and everything general about that certain moment, compacted into a memory. It’s objective; it’s static; it’s pure. Memories are simply photographs stored in our minds until it’s time to view at them.
After recently when I found out my grandma passed away, I started thinking about this one picture that my family placed on the shelf of a piano in our old home. It was during my early years as a child ecstatically clapping my hands in full view of an enormous rectangular birthday cake, with my grandma smiling behind me just as happily. And although that memory was stored way back into the subconscious, I see that as a moment when everything just seemed so right in the world. Objective, static, pure. Sometimes I wish my mind would somehow “photo-shop” my childhood memory of my grandma over the one when I heard she was suddenly stricken with some unimaginable health problem that stole her life just a mere few days later.
Likewise, I was walking along the track field at Relay for Life today and I could just imagine how many memories each person had of a loved one in which happiness surrounded that moment.
Not only that, it seems that parts of my world now is crumbling into chaos. Friendships seem to be deteriorating. Trust broken. Distance established. And I can’t help think there was a memory in which it encapsulates all that is good. I sift through various memory moments as if it was a scrapbook full of pictures, and I focus on those that really emphasized the closeness between my friends and I. I don’t expect someone to build a time machine and take me back those these moments that the memories correspond to. I just simply wish I could stay in those memories forever and never believe there were events that would follow after. All I can imagine in my situation now is hoping for new memories forming, in which everything becomes peacefully resolved.
sometimes i wish i was as cool as gloria. but then i realize, i’ll never be as cool as her. sadly, i have to live with that message every day. why? why can’t i be as cool as her? #sadlyfe4eva
i took a personality test and got the attribute of “expressive.” interestingly, everything present that corresponds to the characteristic of expressive is true, INCLUDING the negatives. i started reflecting upon myself and I’m SICK of being at the center of attention. i get easily jealous when (a) certain friend(s) hang out with another certain friend(s). i wish my personality was just a bit diminished and that i would be considered more as an “amiable” person. why do i get jealous so easily? why am i so overly emotional. honestly, i would give up all my friends in the world, just to be able to communicate effectively all of my emotions, thoughts, aspirations to ONE SINGLE person. i crave that emotional attention, and it drives my current psyche into depression. why :( how can i change? how can i focus less on the little details and not take things too personally, and just be ok with not being close to someone?
One week from today = Spring Break :)